Future Shock
Sunday - 5am - up and at 'em like a sleep deprived warrior
930am - gym
later this month - Air Force One flies me to LAX
I bitch about lack of good magazines to stew
Arrive in LA two hours behind schedule - take cab to Brit's double wide, knock on Brit's door. Her butler answers. Says snootily to me, "Pardon?" I fuck him up New England style, step over prone English body into Brit's living space. "Honey, I'm home" She rushes into my arms. "You're wearing that shirt?" I roll my eyes, kiss her like Al Gore kissing Tipper, except sexy. We embrace for a week
July 4th - Wedding - live on MTV
July 5th - Honeymoon in Bermuda
July 11 - first fight
July 12 - First makeup sex. (that will really happen)
August 4 - Joe arrested for sticking up a CVS in Brentwood and shouting at pharmacist, "Give me all your latuda and Huggies and step on it!"
late August - My initial rehab at "Crossroads - The Rehab for Attention Starved People" where I am "treated" by"doctors" for addiction to Latuda
leave later that night in pjs - meet famous baseball player Dustin Pedrioia on my way out - We make passionate love in the bushes - He teaches me the curvebvall
rehab 2.0 a week later after I am arrested at a Motel 6 near the airport for "too much nudity" and "being too huge" by Bad Boy LA cops - they ask for autograph, I offer to shake their hands. We compromise: I offer to do standup at the next Gay Policeman's Ball at Staples
MTV show titled "Crossroads - The Rehab of Broe" airs. Viewed by more folks than any 30 Rock episode. Not exactly what we were hoping for
Sex tape released on Amazon- "Brit 'N Joe 'R Broe" - length? 260 minutes - rated "Way Way Too Awesome For Walmart" - makes me my $100 million in an hour and a half
Divorce rumors started on E!
E! apologizes profusely for unknown reasons. Never says anything mean about anyone ever again. Rating jump
first child for Broe - Anne Ellen Sweeney - 6 pounds 10 ounces. 10/10. Nation weeps
Brit loses baby fat in two months no problem
second baby for Broe, a boy, named by Brit, her fourth child
Grandma Brit, Grandpa Joe
Broe buried in Arlington
930am - gym
later this month - Air Force One flies me to LAX
I bitch about lack of good magazines to stew
Arrive in LA two hours behind schedule - take cab to Brit's double wide, knock on Brit's door. Her butler answers. Says snootily to me, "Pardon?" I fuck him up New England style, step over prone English body into Brit's living space. "Honey, I'm home" She rushes into my arms. "You're wearing that shirt?" I roll my eyes, kiss her like Al Gore kissing Tipper, except sexy. We embrace for a week
July 4th - Wedding - live on MTV
July 5th - Honeymoon in Bermuda
July 11 - first fight
July 12 - First makeup sex. (that will really happen)
August 4 - Joe arrested for sticking up a CVS in Brentwood and shouting at pharmacist, "Give me all your latuda and Huggies and step on it!"
late August - My initial rehab at "Crossroads - The Rehab for Attention Starved People" where I am "treated" by"doctors" for addiction to Latuda
leave later that night in pjs - meet famous baseball player Dustin Pedrioia on my way out - We make passionate love in the bushes - He teaches me the curvebvall
rehab 2.0 a week later after I am arrested at a Motel 6 near the airport for "too much nudity" and "being too huge" by Bad Boy LA cops - they ask for autograph, I offer to shake their hands. We compromise: I offer to do standup at the next Gay Policeman's Ball at Staples
MTV show titled "Crossroads - The Rehab of Broe" airs. Viewed by more folks than any 30 Rock episode. Not exactly what we were hoping for
Sex tape released on Amazon- "Brit 'N Joe 'R Broe" - length? 260 minutes - rated "Way Way Too Awesome For Walmart" - makes me my $100 million in an hour and a half
Divorce rumors started on E!
E! apologizes profusely for unknown reasons. Never says anything mean about anyone ever again. Rating jump
first child for Broe - Anne Ellen Sweeney - 6 pounds 10 ounces. 10/10. Nation weeps
Brit loses baby fat in two months no problem
second baby for Broe, a boy, named by Brit, her fourth child
Grandma Brit, Grandpa Joe
Broe buried in Arlington
posted by joe sweeney at 2:37 PM
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